I have a confession to make. I am deeply involved in two different relationships, and I need help. I’m not going to name names here, in order to protect the privacy of those who have been drawn into this drama through no fault of their own.
Horse A: tall, dark , and handsome. Not really my “type” physically, as he is a bit lankier than I am normally attracted to, but let’s face it, he was really a rebound relationship. I had just sold my A/O horse and I was hurting. I wanted something to fill my empty hours. Horse A has been very good to me and he has a lot to offer, but there’s something missing. You know, “that spark”, it’s just not there. Is it fair to just get what I need from the relationship even though I’m not in love with him? Because the one I am really in love with…………
Horse B: built like a tank and what a looker. Seriously, sometimes I just stand there staring at him and feel all mushy inside. He’s been in my life for a while, sort of in the background (I knew his mother well), and it’s only recently that I have realized that I have fallen for him like a ton of bricks. Every moment we spend together is sheer joy. I know it sounds corny, but just going for a walk in the woods together leaves me smiling for hours. And he is much more affectionate than Horse A. He always looks genuinely happy to see me, loves to touch and be touched and give kisses. But Horse B is still an unknown quantity. Loads of potential but he hasn’t proven himself yet. But I find myself resenting the time I spend with Horse A, even doing fun things!, and thinking about the day I will be able to do the same things with Horse B, and comparing the two. I know it’s not fair.
My friends are divided on the issue. Some say I should let Horse A go now and allow him to find a relationship with someone who will appreciate his great qualities and love him for who he is. That way I could devote my energies to strengthening my bond with Horse B and developing our relationship. Other friends say I should continue getting what I need from Horse A (using him! ) until I am absolutely positively sure that Horse B is going to live up to my expectations. Notably, none of my friends suggest that I should end my relationship with Horse B, because they can all see how much he means to me.
Advice please!!! I know it’s hard to imagine, but what would you do if you found yourself in this predicament?
And please please, try not to be too judgmental.
This piece was written several years ago when I was debating between two horses and which one I should keep. (The news at that time was full of stories about the then-Governor of South Carolina, who “disappeared into the woods” as he followed his lover across the world.)
Happily, I made the right choice.